A Farewell To A Fair Fellow.

 I have been putting this post off for a while now, but finally have run out of reasons to procrastinate any longer.   Honestly,  I have been struggling to find the words to begin this long goodbye.   As mentioned previously,  I dislike goodbyes.   But there is a time when I think something has to be said...  Even if it is a random train of thoughts woven together that ultimately say nothing.   So here it goes...

As I have probably mentioned previously,  Dave and I met in High school back in the '80's.   Michigan Lutheran Seminary was a fairly small school, so everyone pretty much knew everyone.   But we traveled within the same circle of friends, and were not in sports, so we did lots of stuff together. ( Lots of D&D campaigns. with Paul Maske.)  

We stayed in touch through college,   he and my brother went to Northwestern while I went to DMLC.  Both of them would visit me occasionally,   ( Because DMLC had all of the girls!)  And we would catch up on things.   And that led us to Alaska!

Ah Alaska!   I will struggle to stay focused, as the topic of Alaska often takes me down tangents that pull at my storyline.  But let's just say that Me,  my brother,  Dave, and several other Northwestern and DMLC students had possibly one of the best summers in my memories.  A summer filled with Fishing, Hiking, midnight sun parties, and battles with Battletech.    Lots of Battletech!  (Battletech, the board game, replaced our D&D campaigns.) 

And then,  I graduated.  And joined the Army.  When I was assigned Alaska,  I stopped in at the Lodge where we worked, only to find Dave cooking there!   He had signed up for another summer, unbeknownst to me.   We did not have much  time to chat, but that was the last time I had seen him. 

Fast forward 25 years!

If you  followed the previous blog, you may know what happened.   I was going through a rough patch in my life. And I will skip most of that part.   Even now, I'm not sure how to put this part into words where it would be believable.   Dave likes me telling the story, but I think it makes me sound like a crazy person.  But after writing several paragraphs,  I figure I might as well put this story down in the blog somewhere... Crazy or not....  So here it goes:  

I was unable to sleep.   Five nights in a row,  I could not get more than an hour of sleep, and found myself waking up  in the middle of the night with crippling anxiety.   To combat this,  I was taking long walks through the Iowa countryside.   Down these long gravel roads,   where there was not much light aside from the moon, stars, and an occasional farm light off in the distance.  

 

It was almost poetic... "Lost in the Darkness."  

But being alone in the dark kind of forces you to talk to God.  And, even though I had not been to a church service in years,  that is what I found myself doing.   Talking aloud... in the darkness.   To no one!  Crazy!  Right?  

But this one night,  I was asking God to give me a sign.   ANYTHING!  Because I was really REALLY lost and struggling for what to do next.   

And then,  as if on queue...  A light came on.   One of those motion-detecting flood lights that blind you if you are looking at it when it hits you.  The Irony and coincidence was not lost on me.  

I walked over to the building the light was coming from,  figuring a raccoon or other small animal must have triggered it.   But the light stayed on.   And as I approached,  I noticed it was coming from the Lutheran Church.   

There are Lutherans in Wellman Iowa?  With it's flood light on at 2 AM in the morning?    I knew there were Amish, and Mennonites.    There were Presbyterian and even a Catholic church in our small, sleepy, Iowa town.   But I had never noticed the Lutheran church, tucked over on the other side of town...  I'm not even sure what denomination it was. (Missouri synod, perhaps.)   But that was it.   Nothing more happened.   

I don't know what I was expecting...  A booming voice to tell me what to do next, I guess.   But nothing.   After 20 minutes,  I moved on.   And continued my walk just thinking about the odd coincidence that happened.  

The next night, around the same time, I found myself once again in that area.   I figured I would walk up and "trip" the flood light once again.   Only,  this time,  there was nothing....

No light at all!  I stood under it waving my arms and nothing happened.  This caused me to begin questioning if it had even happened initially.   And Once again,  I asked God,  "What should I be doing?"  'Where should I go?"  

And I heard a voice.   Not the Booming Voice you would imagine.   But one in my head.   As clear as if someone was whispering it in my ear.   Dave Pagel. 

Of all the people in the world...  My Parents are gone.  My Brother and I had not spoken in years.  My other friends lived in Michigan and Alaska.  Why Dave Pagel? 

I had not been in contact with him for 25 years!  What will I even say to him?   How will he receive me after such a long time?   I had at least, a small line of communication through Facebook.  I sent him a "short" vague message to see what would follow.  

Imagine my surprise when he replied quickly.   And with just enough information to encourage me to make a phone call.  Which I did. And from there,  he invited me to stay with him in Kenosha.    

And I took it.   

He gave me a place to stay and a chance to breathe.   And most of all, I started going to Church again.

There is much to thank him for.  Even now, I currently reside in a house he managed to acquire from the Church. ( though, temporarily. of course. )    I had been staying with him for the last three years, and got to know his family and friends. ( He has a LOT of acquaintances. in Kenosha.) And found a way back into life.  I even got to answer a question that had been plaguing me for 25 years.  It was almost as if it were all a "Divine Intervention."  

I think back on where I was at that time.  It is doubtful that I would have landed as squarely on my feet as I have now.  And I don't know the future, but I do think it is brighter than it was that dark night.   

And Dave was instrumental in that journey.   

And so I would like to thank Dave.   For being there.  For being a friend.  And for Helping me out in the darkest of hours.  I can imagine that NO ONE can imagine the pain and suffering one goes through unless they, themselves have gone through something similar.  And the response to that pain and suffering that others give helps shape who you will become.   Someone who helps?  Or someone who ignores?   Or worst.... Someone who shames!   

As I feared,  this is swaying into a story about me,  so I will try to get back on track.   I would wish Dave the happiest of futures.   Enough struggle to keep life a challenge, And enough reward to make it all worth it.  He is quite different from me in many ways, but I do hope that if ever the time arises where I can help out another person, I will not hesitate.   And that is a HUGE, scary commitment for me since I am a terribly introverted person.   Dave made it look easy, inviting a "stranger" into his home and allowing him to stay for three years.   I'm not sure I could have ever done such a thing...

So farewell to Dave.   May he find Happiness in the Frozen tundra of Canada. ( I think it is nearly the same latitude as Kenosha Wisconsin... So not that huge of a change)   And he finds someone there to help him in his next chapter of Life.  With a little luck, he will keep up a facebook page so I can check in on him from time to time.  

And perhaps,   someday,  in the not so distant future,  we will meet again.   And reminisce about "That time in Kenosha"  when the  music played; and we moved those people; and we toured all of those breweries; and we fished that lake;  and that time the  house burned down...  

Um...  Yeah...

And we laugh.   

Over a beer and a Brat.   On a warm summer afternoon....  While playing a game of Cribbage.

That would be "Just like Old Times...."

And Now For Some Snow!

 This week, the cold continues, but with snow added in for flavor.   What would winter be like without snow?   ( Hint:  Just cold!)  But with the snow.. And the Cold...  Toss in a little wind,  and you have a recipe for a Blizzard!

Just a little one.   Lasted only a couple hours.   And pretending to be a "Storm Chaser"   I decided I would take a walk down to the park to see what all the Winter Warning Panic was about..   Why not?

Visibility was certainly limited.   And the snow was coming in from a angle...  Which is always a good sign.  But I finished the walk with just a light dusting on the hat to show for it.   And a bit of a chill. 

I think it is good to occasionally expose yourself to the extreme weather conditions.   It makes you appreciate the limited warmth and shelter a drafty house can provide.   It also make that hot shower and warm beverage that much more enjoyable.    

And the Cat is always there to show you, just in case you miss the obvious.  

Another Saturday at Haribo.   I'm beginning to fall behind in my "normal" stuff  with the work taking all of my free time.   And I have been so  "Low Energy"  lately, that I simply find myself sleeping until I wake up for work!  I just have no energy to do any errands or go anywhere other than my living room.. before work.  

And by the time I get finished,  it is dark and nearly everything is closed.   So I come home, pet the cat, watch a few Youtube videos and then go back to sleep.  Rinse and repeat!

I used to at least go for a run before work.  I wonder what happened?  If I'm honest,  I know that the running injury played a part...  And now it is the weather that is causing an issue.  But I barely have motivation to even do any calisthenics! 

Perhaps old age is finally catching me.  And this is the chronic pain and fatigue that makes old men grumpy.  Ah well...  We had a good run while it lasted.   And everything has to come to an end eventually.  Farewell the Youth of my past!   [*Wave..Wave...Wave*]

Other than that,   I chatted with Dave on Wednesday.  He had already left on Tuesday to visit his folks and was on his way to Canada when the Lake Effect Snow hit his travels.   It sounded like it was slow going on the highway... So he had time to chat.   It was a nice conversation.  

I don't really like long goodbyes.   They feel awkward and strange sometimes.   But there are times when I simply don't want the moment to end, and find ways to extend the conversation just so I can eek out a few more moments with someone.   Especially someone who has been a good friend for several years.   

I'm sure our paths will cross again.   Who would have ever guessed that Dave and I would have linked up 25 years after Alaska?   With our paths winding all around several states,   who would have ever guessed that we would have met with similar circumstances.  But before this post gets too involved,  I better wrap it up,  as it is late ( after the Haribo Shift)  and I have Church tomorrow. ( early!)  So hopefully, I will have the instpiration and fortitude to write a true post about that tomorrow.   

In the mean time...   Try to make every second count. 

The Cold Continues!

 Another chilly day.   Yesterday, I volunteered for the Haribo because Saturdays tend to be chill.   (Chill meaning:  low stress.)   Turns out...  it was COLD!  ( See what I did there?)   The temps remained in the negatives all day and it made for a cold ride to work.  

How cold?   Well,  I managed to take a video of this:   A water bottle that is in the fridge on the porch.   The moment I take it out of the fridge,   this happens!

Now,  there is a actual scientific reason for this...  But I thought it would be a cool way to show off the outside temp on the porch.  (hint: to all the highschoolers who did not pay attention in my Physics class...The super cold water is held in liquid form due to pressure.)  

Anyway,  I thought it was cool.  ( Or cold!)   So I made a video. 

Today was the Big Send Off for Dave to the even MORE frozen wastelands of Canada. (A Joke people!   Can't I even make a joke....)  We had a Pot Luck at the Church today and had the opportunity to roast or toast Dave with his family in the Audience.  I took my camera there specifically for the opportunity to capture a few pics for the blog, but alas... I forgot to take any!

So... no pics of the event.  ( Would have probably been boring crowd shots anyway...)  But I have the opportunity to tell a story about Dave.  

I'm sure if I had had more prep time, I would have been able to embellish and  focus on a better story.   But at the last second, all I could think of was the "Stump Story" 

I should have read from the blog, but I went up there and "winged it"  (Something I SUCK at!)  and I'm sure half the people could not understand or follow me.   And the other Half were probably not listening.  So it probably was not as bad as I visualized it to be.  But I imagine it went something like this....

  

It's all good.   I told a story and did not embarrass Dave  in the process.  Obviously there are MANY stories that I could have shared.   Many of them would probably have been more about shared experiences and not about him specifically.  Case in point:   When Eric (My brother) belly flopped a sockeye salmon to death....)  A story we both tell  new people whenever the two of us are together and the topic of Eric comes up. 

Tomorrow is Monday!   And Dave's Last official day  in Kenosha will be Wednesday, ( I think...)   So I may be able to see him one last time before he heads out to Canada.  I'm sure he will be busy with lots of Prep work and greetings and visits from all of the folks he has impacted over his 20+ years here in Kenosha.   

And that is probably why I will wait a few to post my goodbyes on this blog.  When I have a little more time to think about all of the things that I am Grateful for.  And hopefully they will  not sound like the Big Lebowski. speech.  

Ok... Maybe not that emotional.  ( I tear up every time I watch that scene....)   but something....  Nice.   I'm sure. 

Time to sign off and prep for Tomorrow's Haribo adventure.  Everyday is an adventure there!   And they pay me to play! (Work!)   Now that is making Every Second Count!.

A Big Chill!

 The weather has gone south...   Literally!   It has fallen so far below the mark that it was -10 F this evening!   And my Silver Eagle Subie struggled to start and warm up for the first time  since I have owned him!   With the Wind Chill,  that is -27!    I have not felt this cold in a long time.  

We even got a new dusting of snow mid week!   A bit of a surprise when you come out of the Haribo only to find your car buried and the sidewalks not shoveled.    Mostly the blowing wind was causing all that drifting, so the maintenance guys  chose to do nothing before everyone left.  

But I managed to get home safely.

Because I drive a Subaru!

One thing about the cold is that the heating bill for this house grows exponentially!  I can actually hear the dollars draining from my bank account as the wind whistles through the windows and through my protective plastic shielding.   All I can do is turn the temp down to a "survivable" level and cuddle up with the cat and a hot beverage.   

And if that fails...   I can always start a fire in the fireplace. 

I have to say, I have never been a guy that was romantically attached to fireplaces.   We never had one in our home growing up and if there was a fire that was used for heat  at a relative's cabin, it was in a wood burning stove of some type.   We never actually watched the flames.

But,  I have been finding it a relaxing way to spend the evening with the cat on these cold days.  The mesmerizing dance of the flames help me settle in for the night.    Along with the cat.  

Tomorrow is Saturday!  And I volunteered to work.   What else is there to do on a bone chilling day anyway?   Aside from the cat, I'm alone and would probably just sit at home or go out to the Clubhouse for dinner.   I may as well make some money if I'm just going to do nothing at home anyway.  

No time is ever wasted!  I actually believe that.  ( For ME, anyway.)   Even time I spend in the chair watching a fire die down while cuddling a cat,   is not a waste.   Every moment is precious!   And who is to say that you could be spending that time better?   

Someone who is not you!   

So let them live their lives the way they want.... And not have that bother you because  you choose something different.   It is YOUR life, after all.    And who  is better than you to judge how you make every second count. 

A Fine Week In Kenosha.

 Another week down.   January is half way over and the time seems to fly!    And I have to admit that my blogging bug has suffered.   Sometimes I'm a little too tired or simply have nothing to blog about.   But, if I'm honest with myself... I'm most likely just being lazy.   

It is true.   For whatever reason, I seem to lack any extra energy for Anything outside of working at Haribo.   I seem to have plenty of energy when I'm there... but before and after work, I hit some sort of invisible wall.    Go figure.  

One person suggested it is just the time of year.   And that may be true.   It has been cold and snowy these last few days.   With minor temp swings.... only to drop back down.   The variability is perhaps symbiotic with my mood swings.   The Depression of shortened days and cabin fever as the winter weather rages and the cold wind howls and bites any exposed skin.   It is man vs nature at its most primal!

And yet I fight on!  Using the tools and knowledge gained from years of Arctic Army training....   

And a cat.   

First,  there is nothing more therapeutic than the warm glow of a gentle fire on a cold night.  The word "Cozy" comes to mind.   I believe the Swedish or Finnish word is "Hygge:"   A Mental state of coziness.  And drinking a warm beverage while watching a fire while wrapped up in a wood blanket certainly helps combat that winter fatigue.  

It also helps to have a cat.  

Cats are a "Comfort Multiplier"  when it comes to the "cozy equation."  The cat has been quite the little sidekick lately.   She rarely leaves me alone.   And that is a comforting little bit of annoyance.   She likes to play with the fishing pole and cuddle up under my chin or around my neck.  

It can kind of look like we belong on a Wizard Magazine or some sort of cosplay event.   Being a black cat also helps her hide in the dark...  making for some cool pictures!

Other than that,  I have tomorrow off from the Haribo.   A three day weekend in celebration of MLK day.  I'll take it!   I certainly could use the extra day to recover and fold some clothes.  And, having known about the bonus day off,  I put off several errands for tomorrow.  

As for today,  I got to judge the "Crock Pot Cook Off" at the KLA campus for Church.   I helped pick the top three winners..  (They were all in my top 4 picks)  And got to enjoy several creative dishes in the process.   All of the offerings were delicious,  so that made it a bit of a challenge on some level.     But the top three were fairly obvious. ( my opinion.)  

I also drove by Dave's house today, as it has been a while since I have last seen it.   Last time I saw it, it was still just a hole in the ground.   But now the walls are up and the weather tyvek is wrapped up around it.  It probably won't be long before they have the outside completed and can begin work on the interior.  Maybe they will actually get it done before May!  ( The one year mark)  

As for Dave.  He invited me over to help him catalog and pack up the few items he has planned for shipping to Canada.   Next weekend will be his last here in Wisconsin.     

The Church has a farewell dinner planned for him on Sunday and he will be taking off mid week for Canada....  And I guess his stuff can't be shipped until he crosses the border and gets a work permit....   And then it will be allowed to cross the border.  Kind of a "Catch 22" scenario...  So he wants to get there as quickly as possible to get the process going.  

So that is all.   Not a huge report from the wintry waste land of Kenosha ( at the moment.) But then again,  not much happens during the winter months in the midwest.   Unless you enjoy the cold of Ice fishing... or are in a place where you they have a ski hill,   being outdoors is simply an exercise in misery.   Especially this week...  where the cold has hit us hard.  

As for me...   I have the hot cocoa brewing and the log  crackling in the fireplace.  I'm sure the cat will join me soon enough when I finally finish this post and can relax with a movie.    Tomorrow is another day!   Provided God grants me another morning.   And I will do my best to make every second count.