A Tough Week.

 This week was rather challenging.  And the weekend has never looked so welcome before.   I guess I just wanted to put down on the blog a catalog of the times I have had a "Gut Check" during this Teacher Training.  I knew there would be moments like this and I would have to reach deep to see if this is actually the path I wanted to pursue.   

But God will not leave me hanging.   Nor has He during this entire experience.   When I'm about to sink into a deep depression.   My brother calls me.   Out of the blue!   On a Monday!     Totally random in a not so random way.   

And the coincidence is not lost on me.  

Since that Monday,   I have had moments that encourage me and that I can only imagine are designed to help me learn.   Learn the job and the skills that I never learned in school while I was training to be a Teacher in the first place.  lessons that will ultimately make me stronger.   And better. 

That is my faith, at least.   I can only trust God to help me and forgive my inevitable mistakes as I grow and get stronger.  For it is with a grateful heart that I want to serve him. And I must do my best to resist the shame and fear of failure that constantly shadows me each day as I struggle to meet the challenges.  

Today was a good day. With more good moments than bad.    And just when I think I have no one to talk to,  a stranger will strike up a conversation with me and ask me a very specific question that will remind me why I accepted this call to begin with.  And how God has blessed me in every way possible.  

Hardened steel is heated and cooled and hammered over and over again to be forged into a strong and resilient tool to be used.  And I can  only imagine the metal that is being formed into an alloy is not very happy about the constant heat and hammering that is part of the process.  

And so it goes that I am now on a journey to observe as many teachers as I can with their styles of teaching to find a better path. At this point in my journey,  I think it is better to imitate than to innovate. The innovation will happen later...  After I have grown in confidence and maturity.  God willing,  I will learn a new skill that will help me in the classroom.  Until then,   I have to believe that God has a higher purpose for me to do his will and will not let me stray from the task he has honored me with   Because time is short... and Every second counts.